Earth Hour and Other Failures, Like Spring

Families Earth Day

Saturday was Earth Hour. It took me by surprise because I sometimes confuse it with Earth Day, which I know happens in real spring, not fake spring, the season we're in now. We failed Earth Hour. We turned off our lights from 8-9 PM, when it was supposed to be 8:30-9:30 PM. We rocked Earth Hour from midnight to 6 AM, however. Our kids hated Earth Hour. Apparently they're not big fans of the dark, which isn't really surprising given the number of lights that they leave on. We're hoping that they learned that our light switches do indeed have off positions. It's -20 C with the windchill here and it has snowed for 7 straight days. Calls to crisis lines are up, not because people are stuck in their vehicles, but because people are stuck in their houses with the people they love. Evidently the winter slaughtered the lambs because it came in like a lion and went out like a … [Read More...]

From Spring Break to Spring Break-down

Spring Break is one of my favorite holidays of the year, mostly because I'm a teacher. To me, Spring Break is a turning point of the school year, the time when I realize I just might make it to July. Every year, though, my dreams of Spring Break break down. I've now come up with a self-diagnosis (without the aid of my medical assistant, Web MD). I suffer from┬áHoliday Amnesia. With Holiday … [Read More...]

On Growing Another Head

Mount Vesuvius sits on my chin. You can bet model Denise Richards, who's the same age as me, hasn't had to deal with this scale of acne. Mind you, she's had to deal with Charlie Sheen, which makes us even. I'd show you an uncensored photo of me and my Zit-pocalypse, but I have standards to uphold on this blog. Below, however, is the censored version. This is how I've been walking around … [Read More...]

The Creepiest School Photos You’ll Ever See

The creepiest school photos you'll ever see are not on the popular Awkward Family Photos site. They're on my fridge. Last week, I came home from work and saw that the school photos of my twins, Vivian and William, had been transformed. . . into this:   The fridge magnet/elementary mash-up almost makes you want to scream, right? If not scream, then laugh. Well, if you're … [Read More...]

Husbands, Dogs, and a Humor Book Announcement

Yesterday, my husband came home from the flea market and said, "Kids, I bought you half a dog." Here he is: And by "he," I mean the dog, not my husband. He (this time I mean my husband) and our nine-year-old twins bandied about names for the mutt. Suggestions included: Hine-y Abdomen, or Abby for short Butty, short for Buttercup Private Parts, also known as P.P. I live in … [Read More...]