Today is Married To a Scorpio Support Day. That makes me laugh. Is there a support group for people married to bulls? I mean the astrological sign – not the animal or the basketball team — though I supposed being married to a large mammal would necessitate a support group too.
People born under the sign of Scorpio are supposed to be intense, obstinate, and persistent, and those are the positive characteristics, so no wonder why their spouses need a support group. Those three traits also describe every child, including my own Alpha and Omega.
Vivian and William are Geminis. Figures: twins born under the sign of twins. How unoriginal. According to the high science of astrology, my children display the following traits: they are versatile, lively, and responsive. Lively? Yes, just drop by my house at 6:00 a.m. on any day, especially weekends. Versatile? Yes, if 5-minute Jekyll to Hyde transformations can be evidence of that. They aren’t usually responsive, unless they’ve consumed chocolate, and then they turn into Tasmanian Devils on speed.
Now for those without children, Halloween is long gone, but for those of us with littluns, its effects are everywhere: from the candy wrappers under the couch to the standing broad jump competitions (with the edge of the dinner table serving as the starting line).
In the interests of controlling such chocolate-induced misbehavior, I placed the candy bowls on top of the fridge. This way, I could control the candy, kind of like a Pavlovian experiment involving kids: they behave; I reward them with candy. Well, this worked till they staged their own rebellion.
Last Saturday, while I attempted to sleep in till 7 (spot the mother of young kids), William and Vivian went downstairs for a snack. Normally, they come back with an apple or a bagel. This time, I dozed. I’d spent the past week getting up at 4 a.m. to write report card comments. Sleep had won.
When I awoke to silence, I trudged downstairs to find this scene: William was standing on the cupboard, passing chocolates to Vivian, who was using scissors to cut off the wrappers. It was an efficient assembly line that, if copied on a larger scale by automakers, would still have had GM in full production. Judging by Vivian and William’s chocolate-clown faces, they had a few unionized coffee breaks to enjoy the fruits of their labour.
Yup, they’re lively and they’re monkeys, almost literally. Born in 2004, the monkey is their Chinese zodiac sign. Although I only read horoscopes at airports and at Dim Sum, one look at these descriptors almost makes me a devotee.
MONKEY: These are the active signs of the zodiac… an inner spirit of lightning energy…come up with new ideas…love playing games… play tricks…insensitive … hard to settle.
Hard to settle? No kidding. I bet settling’s also hard for Scorpios, not to mention their spouses. So, to all who live with someone born between October 23 and November 22, “Happy” Married To a Scorpio Support Day. And if your Scorpio was born in the Year of the Monkey, good luck to ya. Really.