It seems fitting that International Women’s Day comes the day after Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman to ever win an Oscar for Best Director. Yes, the glass ceiling momentarily shattered last night at the 82nd Academy Awards: one small step for the director of The Hurt Locker, one giant leap for women in film. Or so we can hope.
To annoy me on International Women’s Day, my five-year-old daughter pulled out one of her Barbie dolls. Now we’re pretty much an anti-Barbie household, but we accept hand-me-downs. It’s how my kids get swords, cheerleading outfits, and other toys of questionable morality.
Yes, Vivian is the proud owner of five Barbie dolls, all of whom come with anatomical proportions that are impossible. Vivi’s lost some of their clothes and shoes, so they’re looking even more suspect. But the one who looks most suspect my husband calls Stripper Barbie.
As you can see, Stripper Barbie is topless and she has this button you can press that makes her hot pink skirt light up and spin. Whenever the skirt twirls, I’m reminded of Linda Blair’s famous head spin in The Exorcist.
Last week, Vivian was playing with Stripper Barbie and her back-up quartet when she decided to do show and tell.
Vivian held up Stripper Barbie and said, “Isn’t she beautiful, Mom?”
I ignored the question. “Which one’s smart?” I asked.
Vivi held up a fully clothed doll.
“Which one’s funny?”
Vivi held up another fully clothed doll.
“They’re all in a movie,” Vivian announced.
“They are?” I asked. I looked back at Stripper Barbie. “But where’s her shirt?”
“She doesn’t wear one. Not in this kind of movie,” Vivian said.
My eyes bulged, becoming bigger than Barbie’s boobs.
Great. Stripper Barbie’s in a porn flick.
Later today, in honour of International Women’s Day and Kathryn Bigelow’s Oscar win, Stripper Barbie’s going to go to the Great Beyond, also known as the landfill. And to appease my recycling self, I’ll take out the batteries first.
R.I.P., Stripper Barbie.
Leanne Shirtliffe is the mother of seven-year-old twins, Thing 1 and Thing 2. She lived in Asia for eight years, which turned out to be a build-your-own-family adventure. Leanne writes for Nickelodeon and pens a humour column for The Calgary Herald. She is represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency in California. 
Wow! I am highly disturbed by “stripper barbie.” I was quite the tomboy growing up. I had this one friend, however, who loved Barbies and forced me to play them with her. She always gave me the ones that were decrepit looking. Nonetheless, I hear you on being anti-Barbie. She is creepy.
I too was a tomboy and, thankfully, my daughter is turning into one (albeit one who loves princesses and the colour pink). You’re right: Barbie is creepy.
Yikes. That’s crazy. I loved Barbie as a kid (and my little ponies and cabbage patch dolls etc) but now that I have a daughter I’m caught between the nostalgia of Barbie and the fact that we just don’t have room for all of Barbie’s baggage. I mean, I hate pink tinged stereotypes and that doll is nothing BUT pink (and that goes for the professional barbies too… hilarious), however, she’s such a cultural phenomenon that fighting her is almost like fighting a one-man war against Disney Princesses – those girls fight nasty. Good on ya for trashing trashy Barbie.
Yes, professional Barbie must work for Mary Kay cosmetics. I love your comment about Disney Princesses fighting nasty. So true, I think.
*snort*
Best line: “Not in this kind of movie.”
sigh…
Dude…,what kind of movies is your kid watching?!?! I knew Disney had changed but I had no idea how much!
I know…hard to believe my daughter can’t even sit through Shrek (the idea that Shrek and Fiona might not get together sends her into inconsolable sobbing). Crazy how she came up with “Not in this kind of movie.”
Ah Barbie, causing little girls everywhere to strive for the unattainable as women, like 24 inch waists and hairless men. Love that your response to ‘isn’t she beautiful’ was ‘which one is smart’, that is quick on your feet.
I often forget about the hairless men ideal. Good point. As for me being quick on my feet, it’s one of the rare instances when I didn’t escalate the problem!
I haven’t seen the video you posted on here (my internet sucks since I’m at the parents’ house on my break from college), but what you wrote here makes up for the images that would probably give me nightmares. No words can express how amused I am because of this!! Especially with the very end of it. Ah, yes, the antics of children. “Not in this kind of movie!”
I love this post and fully support your decision to send Porno Barbie packing:)
I myself played Barbies ENDELESSLY as a little girl – however – my story lines were quite dramatic and my Barbies faced hard hitting issues such as homelessness where Barbie and her five Barbie siblings were forced to live in thier Barbie Corvette after losing thier parents in a terrible accident…
Think “Dicey’s Song” meets 90210
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