Hair, Part 1: A Fluffy Puppy
The other morning, I styled my hair with a weapon commonly referred to as a hair dryer. This is an event for me. I proceed downstairs to the next event of the morning: assembling lunches. It is at this point that my son walks through the kitchen, looks up at me and announces,
Mom, your hair looks like a fluffy puppy.
Then he walks away and starts his morning task of stacking his Hot Wheels collection into the highest pile-up he can.
My daughter, inspired by the image of her mom as fluffy puppy, sprints upstairs to get her stuffed poodle. It’s pink.
My Latest Hair Style
My husband is laughing. He nearly spews rice milk and Special K onto the morning paper.
My mind swirls: a compilation video of 80s hair bands plays in my head, with Jon Bon Jovi and Simon Le Bon headlining.
It’s not fair. My stylist creates a flat cat look, but I manufacture a fluffy puppy.
The next morning, my husband asks William what my hair looks like. William walks by, looks up at me, and announces, “It looks Jurassic.”
Excellent. What I’ve lost in volume, I’ve gained in age. This morning’s frontal lobe rock video is brought to you by Keith Richards and Mick Jagger, in their comeback geriatric tour. Evidently I’m the poster child for their aging fan base.
Hair, Part 2: The Homeless Look
If styling my own hair is an event, then combing my daughter’s hair is operatic in its emotional intensity. Rare is the morning where we escape without tears and shouts and chasing, from either her or me. And no matter what I seem to do, ten minutes later her hair’s stringy. Somehow it manages to be both slippery (guaranteeing no accessories can stay in it) and knotty (guaranteeing more tears in the next comb-a-thon).
Add tangles and stir
By the end of the day, she looks homeless.
But this might not be so bad.
Because by the end of the day, Fluffy Puppy looks (and feels) like road kill.
* * * * *
Any hair-raising stories out there?
Leanne Shirtliffe is the mother of seven-year-old twins, Thing 1 and Thing 2. She lived in Asia for eight years, which turned out to be a build-your-own-family adventure. Leanne writes for Nickelodeon and pens a humour column for The Calgary Herald. She is represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency in California. 
Try having a 7 year old who insists he needs to “grow his hair long” but refuses to brush or let it be brushed! No matter what I do he ends up with one side (sometimes both) looking like a tornado roared thorough it! He seriously looks like he is an unwashed and uncared for boy. Hopefully the long hair phase doesn’t last!
Fluffy puppy is hilarious!
I leave for work at an insane hour, so my husband is left to “do” the girls hair. Ya. Let that sink in. They have hair like Vivians. Add in 5 toque (or baseball hat, depending on the season) on-off sessions, serious indoor and outdoor play, and activities involving glue and/or paint and/or maple syrup, and you can imagine what kind of urchins I pick up from the after school care centre.
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