Funny Search Terms: You Are What They Look For

A strangely addictive hobby of many bloggers is to look at the search terms that bring people to their site. This is mostly amusing, sometimes sad, and occasionally frightening. (If you’re any of the people who found by googling “what to do child choking,” I’d like to officially say, Call 911 and get off your computer. In that order. But this advice is likely a bit dated now).

I’m lucky that I haven’t received that many psychotic results, but the search terms that bring people to have led me to conclude that, in general, you are what they look for.

Perhaps you can be the judge of that.

Here are 12 terms that brought people to my blog this past week:

  1. neglectful parenting
  2. i manipulate my kids
  3. i hate crafts
  4. i hate childrens bday parties
  5. what to do with parents at birthday parties
  6. crap toys
  7. macabre baby names
  8. caged monkey under the table
  9. crime scene
  10. parents middle fingers
  11. belly after two babies
  12. trying to be funny

Last time I reported on funny search terms, I annotated them. This time, I’m leaving it to you. The comment section is yours. No need to be kind.

Photo credit: Horia Varlan (cc) Flickr


  1. says

    I’m a little embarassed to say this now, but I was the one who found you by searching “caged monkey under the table.” But now that you mention it, I hate crafts too, and I always will.

  2. says

    At least searches that lead to your blog are interesting! Typical phrases that lead to mine are “Finland parenting,” “progressing with difficulty,” or “Canada reform math,” although one of the latest searches leading to my blog was “possible psychological effects of lock-down drills.” (No, I don’t conduct lock-down drills in my home, unless by “lock-down drill” one means me occasionally locking myself in the bathroom to tear my hair out. :-) )

  3. Rhonda says

    I found out about you while reading a newspaper article and have loved you ever since. Although any one of those search terms could have been me, aside from the caged money under the table.

  4. says

    “What to do child choking” – is it wrong that picturing someone searching this made me laugh?

    My kids did NOT have blocked windpipes at the time, so I’m telling myself “no.”

    I, myself, have never looked to see what searches have brought people to my site. But now, I think I won’t be able to do anything else until I check.

    Guess I’d better not let my kids play with marbles today…

    • says

      I know, it’s very funny in that macabre way. The best part of blogging is looking at the search terms. (Warning: it may cause your opinion of humankind to hit basement levels)

  5. says

    HA! Too funny! Yes if someone found your blog by trying to figure out what to do with a choking child…they really should start living in the real world!! Call 911 people….. Now I am curious what would bring people to my blog…must search!!!

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