MISSING: Thing 1 and Thing 2

Description: 3.5 inches tall, red all-in-one suits, blue Estelle Getty hair, names on outfit.

Identifying Characteristics: permanent tangled hair due to washing machine incident

Last Seen: October 31, 2011 at envelope at post office in San Francisco (following a non-stop party with Lizz from Am I a Funny Girl?)

En Route To: Mike of The Mike/Mitch Project in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Reason for Traveling: They were in the middle of  Thing 1 and 2’s Excellent Adventure tour. They’ve been to Texas, Tennessee, West Virginia, Maryland, DC, Missouri, Georgia, and California. They have several more stops scheduled including (in no particular order):

USA: Pennsylvania, Florida, New York, Tennessee (Nashville x2), Oregon, Colorado, Illinois, New Jersey, Maryland (x2), Louisiana, California (Orange County)

Canada: Alberta (Edmonton), Ontario (x2),

The World: Mexico, England, Spain, The Netherlands, Switzerland, Singapore, Philippines, India (x2), Australia

Additional Information: While Thing 1 and Thing 2 are not believed to be dangerous, they are likely in need of therapy after their washing machine incident and being stuck in a padded envelope for longer than recommended.

Reward: I’ll make it worth your while. Trust me.

Do you have any clues/guesses as to their whereabouts? If so, please leave your conjectures in the comments. If you have no clue, please make up something amusing and leave it in the comments.


Other things you may wish to check out at blogs I co-write:


  1. says

    They must have had THE CALL and gone off to help some kids waist high in sand or something. They look like they could easily escape from a padded envelope. Have you tried calling out in rhyme as if you need help?

  2. says

    I’ve seen this happen hundreds of time, mid-tour blues. They are probably holed up in some dive hotel watching the tube. There is one surefire way to get them to resurface: Plan a kegger. Invite all Things. Hang a net over the keg and when they slip in for a taste, lower the boom. Yep, works every time I lose my things.

  3. says

    Nooo!! I think they’ve “gone Postal” – broke into a G.I.Joe store, grabbed some Uzis, and are heading over to McDonalds to hijack a few happy meals. Or it’s Lawn Gnomes.

    Hope they come to their senses and turn themselves in – soon!

  4. says

    It’s obvious that they hopped over to Vegas to take in a couple of shows and to see what kind of trouble they could get into. I am sure they will have stories to blog after they find their way home~
    When they do make it back, I would love to take them skiing~

  5. says

    When last seen they had been shoved into a large crate by a large feline in a top hat. He has promised to let them out only when ‘Mother is away.” He is clearly deranged and this is obviously a reference to some sort of oedipal complex. According to my source (known only as The Fish) the cat is to be considered fun and dangerous.

  6. Elena Aitken says

    Maybe they’re caught up in the Christmas ‘chaos’ and will show up soon, either that or they blew away as Lori suggested. Lord knows half the shingles did. Hope they come home soon.

  7. EllieAnn says

    I believe the washing machine incident gave them a taste for water adventures and they’re now white water rafting down the Colorado River on a pint-size pirate ship with a gerbil crew.

  8. says

    Now that you’ve found them, but gotten new ones, you’ll have to designate them as “Thing 1a”, “Thing 1b”, “Thing 2a”, and “Thing 2b” just to avoid confusion won’t you? And what about them? Will their alter-egos get confused? (“If this is Tuesday, this must be Belgium” comes to mind.)

  9. says

    So, I read the found post first and then this one, so I know where they are, but still think this post is hysterically funny!

    If Thing 1 & Thing 2 (either incarnation, the therapy needing pair or the new one from ebay) want to go to Disneyland, send them my way. I’d be happy to show them the Happiest Place on Earth! Mickey probably would like to see them, too.

  10. says

    A. I hope you continue to use the Original Things with their altered hair. Fresh, blue hair would be a real slap in the face to loyal Thing Followers. (Not really. But some of us are sensitive about bad hair days, so…)

    B. I think you need to write a “What you say when your THING’s missing that sounds dirty but isn’t” post.

    Or not. :-)

    (So glad they are safe and sound. Really.)

  11. Rebecca Stanfel says

    The Things clearly have a much more fabulous life than me. Ahh, to be part of the jet set prowled by the paparazzi. I’m glad they showed up. I’d offer them a stay at Chez Chronic Town in Montana, but we’re up to our ears in snow already and they’d just have to watch me take lots of naps–with, sadly, no paparazzi to record even any drool.

    Have fun on the next leg of your journey, Oh Things. Stay only as near to trouble as you need to be.


  12. says

    Maybe they were on a plane.
    Maybe they were on a train.
    Maybe they were in a box.
    Maybe they were with a fox.
    Maybe they were here. Or there.
    Maybe they weren’t anywhere!

  13. says

    Oh this is funny.
    I just love Thing 1 and Thing 2 but I am a little fonder of Thing 2 since he’s the “second born” and probably always gets the short end of the stick.
    Glad you located the little sh*ts. (-;
    I have had a similar nightmare with Mr. Bacon – a bendy doll and blogging nightmare who arrived at my house finally last week and now I must blog about him, the little sh*t.

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