Ask the DH: An Opportunity to Embarrass Ironic Mom

My humor column today in The Calgary Herald begins like this:

If you want to know how to ruin Mother’s Day, ask my husband. He was born on Mother’s Day. This year, his birthday once again falls on Sunday, and in the reality game of celebrations, birthdays trump pushing a kid (or two) out your vagina. (To continue reading, go to Why celebrating Mother’s Day Makes Me Want To Drink).

In honor of my husband’s birthday which is ruining Mother’s Day because he’s at work and I have the kids all day, I am giving you the opportunity to ask him questions. In the great tradition of stealing other people’s ideas, I am riding on the coattails of Tamara Outloud, who invited her readers to submit questions that would be answered by her husband.

This idea scares me. If you don’t know my dear husband (DH), consider yourself warned. If you want proof of his twisted sense of humor, check out 5 Blog Posts My Husband Wanted To Write in 2010, when I was battling pneumonia:

If you want to know some (more) of his interests, here are a few:

  • sports, sports and sports (mostly NBA, NFL, MLB, and rugby)
  • stand-up comedy
  • serial killer books, depressing Russian Lit, and anything Gulag related
  • The Walking Dead, The Sopranos, The Wire, Dexter

So in the comments below,
ask any questions (serious or quirky) about me, about Canada, about whatever keeps you up at night.
My DH will answer them in a guest post next week. You’ll get some freaky interesting answers. I promise.

Comments

  1. MiddleEastern Master of the sword of Sarcasm says

    Mr. Ironic, what’s shaking? Perhaps you could parlay the time honored remembrance of your arrival into a weeklong celebration, and allow the offspring to worship both maternal and paternal holidays.? (Plus fathers day is fast approaching in June!) thoughts?

  2. says

    I’m glad you’re borrowing Tamara’s idea!
    I’d like to know what your husband would say is his favorite, er favourite quality about you. And also what is his funniest memory about you. I realize this is not in question form but I think you can both figure it out.

  3. says

    Who is your answer to Leanne’s Colin Firth?

    What’s your favorite thing to do with Leanne that you can tell us about on a family-fairly-friendly blog?

    Who are the funniest and second-funniest women in the world?

    What was your reaction to learning you’d be having twins?

    Do you think of Canada as the US’s hat or of the US as Canada’s pants? (I live in Florida; For the sake of my state’s dignity, I have to see y’all as the hat…)

  4. says

    What do Leanne’s fart smell like? I’ll a some combination of apple juice and chalk. Or does she not do that?

    When the WordBitches go on their writers’ retreats, what is the craziest thing you have ever done with the kids that you have NEVER told Leanne? *whispering* (You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.) ;-)

  5. says

    Leanne,
    First, thank you for the acronym definition (DH). Renee uses those things all the time and I have. no. idea. what. she’s. talking. about. Seriously, there must be a bloggers’ guide to acronyms out there somewhere (preferably accompanied by a Twitterer’s guide to hashtags).
    Secondly, about the sports. What? No NHL?? Aren’t you Canadian??
    Lastly, if Mr. Ironic could have a weekly feature here on Ironic Mom, what would it be called? And why?

  6. says

    Oh Leanne . . . you have my complete and utter sympathy. My hubs’ birthday (today) often falls on Mother’s Day. Add to that my youngest’s birthday a week prior, and it is bday celebrationapalooza all up in da house!!! . . . oh, yeah, happy something or another to you too, mom . . . Sigh.

  7. says

    If you had to escape the gulag with a professional athlete, stand up comedian, and character on The Walking Dead, which 3 individuals would you pick?

    Do you believe that Leanne’s internet friends are real people based on their names?

  8. kevinrhaggerty says

    Leanne talks a good game, but if the two of you played a game of one-on-one in the driveway, who wins? Do you have a signature move?

    When you put on a new roll of toilet paper…over or under?

  9. says

    To He Who Married the Ironic One:

    Did I just use “who” correctly? My 8th grade English teacher was new and the 7th grade football coach – I was teaching him grammar and therefore never learned the who/whom rules.

    I am currently watching Season 4 of Dexter. I’ve heard the show starts to go downhill. Do I bother continuing?

    How many licks does</em? it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?

    What are your top 5 favorite blog posts of Leanne's?

    Would you notice (hypothetically speaking) if I moved into your basement for most of August?

    What is your favorite serial killer movie/book?

  10. cyberdjy says

    Dear C.
    Please resolve the now over a decade long debate amongst your friends and colleagues. Who (you or your wife) shakes it better when Scottish country dancing?

  11. samijoe says

    Interesting questions… (ellipse- shudder*)

    I don’t know Leanne. I’d be very afraid. LOL I look forward to your DH’s answers.

    I’ll play along. If Leanne could drive a sports car for the day, what kind would she choose?

  12. says

    When did you know you were in love with Leanne? Was it love at first funny bite, um, sight? What’s the sweetest thing you’ve done for her? (If it doesn’t blow our socks off, feel free to do something that does before responding. Hint…hint…HINT.)

  13. says

    Dude, a few questions:
    1. Why does she drink all that wine all the time?
    2. What annoys you the most when L. writes?
    3. Besides her laugh when she cracks herself up, what’s the weirdest noise you’ve ever heard come out of her?
    4. What’s your first thought when she says she’s going to a conference?
    5. Is there enough kale in your diet?
    6. Are you signed up for her blogs or do you just wait for her to read them out loud to you?
    7. How many times a month do you have to tell her to turn the computer off and come to bed?
    8. Boxers or poodles?
    9. Do you still think she’s crazy?
    10. What’s your first thought when she says, “I’m going to make a video?”
    11. One a scale from 1 to 10, how good are the Father’s day gifts you get?

    Thank you and good luck.

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