3 Warning Signs That Your Children Are Plotting To Send You to the Parenting Asylum

Sometimes conversations are warning signs. If you have eight-year-old twins, conversations are almost always warning signs.

Here are three recent chats that have led me to conclude that my children are plotting to send me to the parenting asylum.

Conversation 1

Context: William and Vivian are arguing and play fighting on Sunday night.

Me: “If you’re going to hit each other, do it upstairs.”

Vivian: “That’s what you call Bad Parenting.”

Conversation 2a

Context: William and Vivian are arguing and play fighting on Monday night.

Me: “It’s clean up time.”

William: “No, it’s not. It’s blaming time.”

Conversation 2b

ContextWilliam and Vivian are still arguing and play fighting on Monday night.

Me: “Vivian, stop being so stroppy.”

Vivian and William burst into giggles.

Vivian: “Is that like the word snooty?”

Vivian and William burst into more giggles.

William: “We have to get a dictionary.”

Psychotic giggles follow.

Conversation 3

Me: “AHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Maniacal giggles ensue.

Outnumbered, I join the fray.

***

What’s been driving you crazy?

Comments

  1. Ricky Anderson says

    Users. Two on the phone, Boss 1 at my desk, three at the door, Boss 2 paging me on the intercom.

    All because the server’s taking a dump. Sheesh people; you do it too – relax!

  2. Jan Moyer says

    The 3 yo: “When is the second Halloween?” “no, the SECOND one” “THE SECOND ONE!” Can’t wait for Christmas…..

  3. Liz McLennan says

    Oh, bless you, oh, crazy one, for posting this. It’s always so heartening to read that mine are NOT the only children whose very job seems to be to drive their mother to the brink.

    Mornings. Mornings drive me absolutely bat-shit crazy. No matter what time I get up, get the children up or how well I’ve planned the night before (Last night I actually considered dressing them and having them sleep in their shoes and coats) mornings end with me hollering and them “hmphing”, sometimes crying and mama guilt the whole rest of the day.

    On the plus side, I heard the people who live in the house next door this morning (we live in a duplex). Wowsers….they had a full-on “you-don’t-love-me-you-bastard-the-baby’s-not-yours!” fight. Yep. Heard it all from the bathroom, where I stood, aghast, fascinated, even as toothpaste dripped from my chin.

    Proof that, crazy-making aside, it could always be worse.

  4. zkullis says

    What’s been driving me crazy….. Great question from a very funny post.

    I’m a very open guy. I have a room mate that understands this. It doesn’t bother me to have somebody I know well pop into my bedroom to ask me a question. They know they run the risk of seeing more of me than they want, which doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother them.

    The problem is when there are other visitors. She will bring people over, and before too long, it is clear that I’m pretty open. Warnings are given [be careful if you venture into Zack's room], and stories unfold.

    No biggie. She has a few visitors that regularly stop by and take over the place. A couple of them have seen me (in MY bedroom) on various occasions as I’m getting out of the shower and heading to the closet. Again, I don’t care. BUT, big but here, I DO have a problem when they later complain and act all offended because I was walking around naked.

    It’s my bedroom damn it!

    Okay, I’m done. Thanks for the place to vent Leanne!

  5. Jonathan says

    Your kids sound like ours :) Last night our 8 yr old (middle child) claimed I was a rubbish parent as I tried to read her a bedtime story, all in aid of starting an argument to avoid brushing her teeth…

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