Today is the last scheduled guest blogger from my year of “Whiteboard Wednesday Guest Posts.” Thanks for making them feel welcome every week.
Robert Hookey (you can call him The Hook, everyone else does), is a Niagara Falls husband/ dad/bellman/blogger/
author/mammal. On its surface, his life is pretty unassuming, but when he dons his bellman uniform all bets are off. As a dad, he… well, the most important thing to bear in mind is this: He means well.
Trying to Explain The Big Bang Theory to Your Kids
Ask any parent worth their salt and they’ll tell you that your entire life changes once a child becomes a part of your world. Even an activity as mundane as watching television can become a test of your parenting skills—and your grip on reality.
Case in point: on a typical night in my household, The Big Bang Theory is gracing every TV screen in the land—in three separate rooms, no less—and the wife and I cuddled up in bed. All is calm and right with the world.
Kaley Cuoco’s character, Penny, utters a line that sends me into damage control mode and tests my ability to tell the truth to my child without actually telling the truth. If you’re a parent, that made perfect sense…
PENNY: No matter how hard you try, you just can’t un-dry-hump someone’s boyfriend.
The wife and I chuckle, but our laughter soon fades as a voice rings in from my daughter’s room: “What’s dry humping?”
The smile doesn’t just run away from my face; it hails a cab, hops on a plane to Cape Canaveral, and boards a rocket for the Moon. As for my mind, I decide to consult the Daddy Rule Book and fall back to the tried and true method of… doing…
But after a few minutes of blissful silence, the question is repeated. And so I do what fathers through the ages have done: I look to my wife to do the heavy lifting.
“Come on, you’re hardwired to handle this sort of thing. It’s encoded into your DNA, for Pete’s sake!” is my doomed-to-failure argument.
Her response is non-verbal, but speaks volumes; she sacks me. Hard. My response is definitely not family friendly.
“I heard that! But what I haven’t heard was an answer!” is my daughter’s smart-aleck response. Had I not been in excruciating pain, I would have been proud of the little rugrat.
Once the lights vanish from my eyes, I begin to formulate a proper response to her query that will simultaneously satisfy my wife and keep my daughter quiet, for a little while, at least. Fortunately for me, Fate provides the answer in the form of the dog sleeping at the foot of our bed.
So I say:
My wife groans.
My daughter lets out an “Oh!” of recognition.
The dog continues to sleep.
I get up to fetch some ice for my wounded . . . pride.
Once again, all was right in my world. Until the next episode of The Big Bang Theory aired…
What awkward things have you had to explain to your kids?
(or did your parents have to explain to you?)