Pardon the third person. Blame Elmo. Regarding Vivian and William's desired name changes, blame them.
So I’m sitting on the floor of the bathroom playing Words with Friends. My spidey senses are tingling, not because I just figured out how to play my Q without a U, but because my twins are up to something.
I sense danger. Then I hear it.
It’s the unmistakeable sound of flesh on flesh, skulls on floorboards. It’s wrestling.
I do what any parent trying to maintain her sanity (and dignity) on the bathroom floor does.
I open the door and yell. ”Stop wrestling!”
As I sit there debating whether or not I should leave my foxhole and crawl to the front lines, I hear Vivian yell in reply, “We’re not wrestling!”
I opt not to engage in the “yes-you-are / no-we’re-not” battle; instead, I shut the door and re-lock it.
Then I hear it, faintly: the response, the one not intended for enemy ears.
Vivian tells William, “Well that got rid of her.”
Indeed.
Now if I could get rid of my three i’s.
*
What are some headlines from your life?
Leanne Shirtliffe is the mother of seven-year-old twins, Thing 1 and Thing 2. She lived in Asia for eight years, which turned out to be a build-your-own-family adventure. Leanne writes for Nickelodeon and pens a humour column for The Calgary Herald. She is represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency in California. 
