Tag Archives: twins

Ask the DH: An Opportunity to Embarrass Ironic Mom

Posted on May 10, 2012 | 31 Comments

My humor column today in The Calgary Herald begins like this:

If you want to know how to ruin Mother’s Day, ask my husband. He was born on Mother’s Day. This year, his birthday once again falls on Sunday, and in the reality game of celebrations, birthdays trump pushing a kid (or two) out your vagina. (To continue reading, go to Why celebrating Mother’s Day Makes Me Want To Drink).

In honor of my husband’s birthday which is ruining Mother’s Day because he’s at work and I have the kids all day, I am giving you the opportunity to ask him questions. In the great tradition of stealing other people’s ideas, I am riding on the coattails of Tamara Outloud, who invited her readers to submit questions that would be answered by her husband.

This idea scares me. If you don’t know my dear husband (DH), consider yourself warned. If you want proof of his twisted sense of humor, check out 5 Blog Posts My Husband Wanted To Write in 2010, when I was battling pneumonia:

If you want to know some (more) of his interests, here are a few:

  • sports, sports and sports (mostly NBA, NFL, MLB, and rugby)
  • stand-up comedy
  • serial killer books, depressing Russian Lit, and anything Gulag related
  • The Walking Dead, The Sopranos, The Wire, Dexter

So in the comments below,
ask any questions (serious or quirky) about me, about Canada, about whatever keeps you up at night.
My DH will answer them in a guest post next week. You’ll get some freaky interesting answers. I promise.

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Posted in Mischief

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10 Bizarre Updates from the Past 10 Days

Posted on May 7, 2012 | 31 Comments

If you want a slice of my (psycho) life, here are 10 updates I posted on Twitter or my Facebook page over the past 10 days.

Update 1: William vs. Hole

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Update 2: God vs. The Fire Alarm

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Update 3: Vivian vs. iPhone

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Update 4: Me vs. Housework

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Update 5: Me vs. Twins at Breakfast

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Update 6: Me vs. Everyone in my House

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Update 7: Me vs. Twins re: Birthday

Update 8: Me vs. Life

UPDATE 9: CANADA VS. THE WORLD

Update 10: Me vs. SeLF, Humbled BY KIDS


What’s an update from your (psycho) life?

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Posted in Slice of (My Psycho) Life

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The Wisdom of 7 Year Olds

Posted on April 25, 2012 | 50 Comments

Vivian sat at the table, practicing line after line of cursive writing because apparently she will learn handwriting in Grade 3, otherwise known as “next year.”

Out of nowhere, she said, “Some parents just want their kids to be like them.”

I paused whatever I was doing in the kitchen, which probably involved burning myself. “That’s interesting,” I said. “Where did you hear that?”

“I didn’t really hear it anywhere.”

“Is it just something you thought?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

A shadow of guilt flashed over me. “Do you feel that’s how I am as a parent?”

Vivian at age 4, a few years before those fingers knew cursive

“No,” Vivian said.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Cross that off the four-page cheat sheet I’m preparing for her future therapist.

“But I want to be a teacher anyway,” she continued, “even though you are one.”

I thought of the ten hours of grading I have ahead of me this week. “Teaching’s a good job,” I said.

I wasn’t lying.

“But I don’t want to have kids,” Vivian said. “Children are a lot of work.”

She wasn’t lying.

Viv kept talking. “But teaching is a lot like having kids, only you have 22 of them.”

I nodded and smiled at this wise young soul, the same girl who – at age 4 – called the stretch marks on my stomach “silver rainbows.”

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Posted in Slice of (My Psycho) Life

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