Tag Archives: Whiteboard Wednesday

Children in Cages

Posted on October 12, 2011 | 37 Comments

I’m sitting on our couch after work, one of those long days when 89% of my brain has already been sacrificed to middle school students.

William is doing what he does best: babble incessantly about a fantasy world as though it’s more natural than Pamela Anderson’s breasts. Which it is.

Will is holding his latest DVD obsession: Penguins of Madagascar. I’m thankful for this show, because he now knows there are more countries in the world than the USA, Calgary and Texas.

He is on minute twelve of summarizing one of the plots. I’ve adopted my pretend-to-be-listening face, which involves eye contact, nodding, and repeating the occasional word. I clue in for this sentence.

“Mom,” Will says, “the mayor was going to open a Children’s Zoo.”

I process this for a nanosecond. I say:

William looks at me, clearly wondering where that 11% of my brain went.

“No, Mom. Not humans. Baby animals.”

“Oh. So not a zoo where people pay to see children?”

“No. They’d never do that.”

And he’s right…

…they wouldn’t.

**

My friend, Kelly from Dances with Chaos, wrote a great post this week that I want to draw attention to. It’s OCD Awareness week, and everyone should read this post: It’s Not Just about Breasts Anymore. So please, click over.

**

It’s Whiteboard Wednesday, so I ask:

What strange things have you said or heard recently?

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Wit and Women and a Husband

Posted on September 28, 2011 | 33 Comments

Last night I went to my first Wit and Women class (and if anyone wants to suggest it should be Wit or Women, I will photocopy your face 66 times while I sit on the copier’s lid).

I will blog more about this adventure soon. Let’s just say it’s a great program that makes me want to take up a new sport—like braiding necklaces out of my cuticles – because there’s a possibility I could end up on stage doing five minutes of stand-up. It’s run by a dynamic and witty woman named Eva Pea. I first heard about it from Derek Wilken, who has become my humour mentor (or is that a humourous mentor?) and who is either leading me to–or pushing me off–a cliff’s edge.

So on Monday, the day prior to Wit and Women, I reminded my husband of my Tuesday night plans.

“Right,” he said. “Where is it?”

“Downtown,” I answered.

“Whereabouts?”

“Across from a supermarket. I have the address.”

“But where is it at?” he asked. “What kind of building?”

“Oh. I think it’s a library or a bookstore or a gallery or something. We’re supposed to meet under an awning.”

My husband looked at me.

I shrugged. “Look, it’s legit,” I said. “I know a woman who went to it. And she didn’t come back in a body bag.”

He smiled. I knew he believed me. But more importantly, I knew a reply was brewing.

He said, “If they ask you to take your clothes off­–”

I rolled my eyes and sighed, my most consistent wifely communication.

He deadpanned:

I started to laugh, but a few synapses shortcut that response.

“Do you realize what you just said?” I asked.

He shook his head.

I paraphrased. “You said if people ask me to take my clothes off, I should get the money before. Which implies that people wouldn’t give me any money after.” I paused to roll my eyes and sigh again. “Oh, never mind.”

And we started to laugh.

Sometimes Whiteboard Wednesdays write themselves.

 What bizarre things have you said or heard recently?

Or, what has made you want to braid necklaces out of your cuticles?

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The Return of Whiteboard Wednesday

Posted on September 7, 2011 | 51 Comments

Today marks the return of Whiteboard Wednesdays. If you have no idea what this is, neither do my kids. So know that you’re not alone.

Basically, Whiteboard Wednesday is when I write down something semi-idiotic that I said while parenting in the past week. This is easier than it seems.

Some past Whiteboard Wednesday comments include the following (click on the picture if you wish to go to the original post).


This week’s Whiteboard Wednesday moment occurred while Vivian and William were having a bath. The water was up to their belly buttons. I was multitasking, managing to simultaneous keep an eye on my seven-year-old twins whilst tidying their bedroom way down the hall.

I heard silence. Then giggling.

Then silence. Then giggling.

My spidey-senses started to tingle.

I walked back to the bathroom.

Vivian was putting her face in the water and inhaling. Intentionally.

William was in hysterics.

I asked Vivian one of those stupid rhetorical questions. (Some teachers likely told you there were no such things as stupid questions. They lied. There are a lot of stupid questions. Most are rhetorical; most are asked by parents).

This was my rhetorical question:


Like most kids, Vivian didn’t realize that my stupid question was rhetorical. So she answered.

“It cleans my nose.”

My seven-year-old had invented a bathtub-size neti pot.

And then, because I sometimes lack the ability to bite my tongue quickly, I added:

“Mom!” Vivian exclaimed.

William laughed and started his own personal demo.

“Did I say that out loud?” I asked.

“Yes,” Vivian answered while William picked and flicked.

And another rhetorical question bites the dust.

Since it’s Whiteboard Wednesday, I have to ask:

What bizarre things have you said or heard recently?

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Posted in Slice of (My Psycho) Life, Whiteboard Wednesday

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